Mission imperative – mentoring the teens of today.
By the time a young person is 18, their value system is in place, they’ve worked out what’s right and wrong and what they will do and what they won’t. That’s why mentoring to teenagers earlier rather than later is so imperative.
There are more 18 year olds in Australia today than any other teenage year as 1990 was a peak year for procreation it seems. And for every 100 girls born in that year, 105 boys came into the world. So 18 years later, what is this age-group really like?
For a start, his name is most likely to be Matthew, and the most popular name for girls is Jessica. They are most likely to live in Blacktown in Greater Western Sydney, and they’d have late-stage baby boomer or early Gen-X parents who grew up in the ‘60s and ‘70s.
Over one in four 18 year olds has experienced an unwanted sexual encounter, and approximately 50% are experiencing one or more problems associated with depression, anxiety, anti-social behaviour and alcohol use.
However, despite the commonly held view that they are flag-bearers for the ‘whatever’ live-for-today generation, these young adults also harbour a rising level of uncertainty and insecurity. This is perhaps borne out by the fact that they in the highest age-bracket (18-24) of people suffering from a mental illness.
Almost one in five Australians are teenagers, at the half-way point that bridges childhood to adulthood. This process of change presents some very real challenges for the youths themselves, their friends, siblings and parents. And these challenges are not all societal.
The brains of a teenager are still developing, with the areas of the brain undergoing the most dramatic change being the frontal lobe and hippocampus. These sections of the brain are connected with motivation, impulse control and addiction. Hence, issues like alcohol abuse, drug use, unsafe and underage sex, and violent assaults are very real concerns.
Young people today are pushing boundaries to test their limits, like teenagers always have. But the big difference is the boundaries they’re pushing have been pushed ever outwards due to vastly increased media exposure, communication access and more liberal parenting.
“Today’s youth are all part of Generation-Y and they are the world’s first digital generation, the world’s first global generation, and the most entertained and materially endowed that Australia has ever seen,” says respected social researcher Mark McCrindle. “Even their Youth Week runs for nine days!”
Teenagers demand attention, yearn to be understood, and require sustainable limitations to be set so that they can grow emotionally. How a parent or mentoring adult handles these factors, contributes directly to how good the lines of communication are, and whether or not the young person responds well to the leadership and advice given.
Parenting and guidance styles vary, but most professionals agree that there is really only one way to relate effectively to teenagers. And that is through a positive, accountable and dependable approach, as inconsistency creates confusion.
Rosalind Wiseman, an expert on ethical leadership, bullying prevention, and school violence, and author of a host of books about guiding young people, states that there are four main ways to relate with young people. And three of these four are dead-end roads.
The ‘best friend’ tactic is based around the idea that parents or mentors can be a teenager’s best friend. Yet in most cases the young person doesn’t want a parent as a best friend, or a mentor to play that role either. “Adolescents should develop healthy relationships with their peers and form other independent relationships separate from their parents,” Mrs Wiseman contends. “Teenagers should have best friends their own age.”
The ‘cool parent’ & ‘cool counselor’ syndrome is another flawed relational method. This is the adult who will do anything to be liked by the teenager, including buying alcohol for an under-age kid or looking the other way when it comes to unsafe sex or drug use. “They are easily manipulated and disrespected by the young people involved,” says Wiseman. “Discipline is impossible to impose as these adults give up their right to set guidelines.”
Young people don’t take advice from people they perceive as being unworthy to give it, so this group can never be taken seriously. Then there are the ‘Pushover parents’ & ‘soft touch teachers’. They allow their charges to make their own mistakes with no guidance and worse still, no consequences. Wiseman observes that “teens want rules and boundaries that make them feel secure and reassured that someone is looking out for them.”
Finally there is the ‘loving tough’ approach. Parents and mentoring adults with this philosophy are aware that there are some things the young person does not tell them, but they don’t take it personally. When these types of adults make mistakes they own up, take responsibility, right the wrong, and encourage the teenager to do the same.
“By acting this way they display unconditional love and expect the young person to respect and observe a previously agreed set of values and ethics,” says Wiseman. “These mentors and parents listen and don’t blame others for a teenager’s behaviour. Instead, they trust them, but at the same time, they hold them accountable for bad decisions too.”
Every teenager benefits from some type of mentoring where adults display genuine interest and encourage a young person to think of the bigger picture, take responsibility for their actions, and be the best they can be.
Young people often face many difficulties as they grow from children into adults, during a time when experimentation with risky behaviours is common. Their needs vary from person to person, with some requiring additional support, guidance, and friendship.
Others need help with schoolwork and tutoring on specific subjects. While others may be at risk of homelessness, disengaged from school, victims of bullying, have low self esteem, and are socially isolated from their friends or peers.
Youth-focused outreach groups like Young Life Australia are there for all types of young people, and the organisation subscribes to the ‘loving tough’ approach. Not by seeking to confront or constrain, but by demonstrating that the group’s committed leaders and helpers actually walk the talk, keep it real, and don’t judge the teenagers they interact with.
Young Lifers provide positive role modelling across a range of activities including chaplains, volunteers in schools, the ‘Club’ program, small groups and adventure camps. It’s all about making a positive, tangible difference in a young person’s life, and with all that’s going on in the world today, there’s never been a greater need.
Date: 27 June 2008
Author: Philip Jenkinson
Source: McCrindle Research 2008. Victorian Gov’t 12/07. ‘Queen Bees and Wannabes’ - Rosalind Wiseman. ‘Teen health’ – Justin Healey, 2007.
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